Psychology Tip of the Day: Goal Setting--Why Start Low?

Who among us hasn't had a goal they've had difficulty accomplishing? What's gotten in the way? Maybe the goal felt TOO BIG. In my previous post on setting goals, I mentioned that it can be helpful to start small when setting goals. This may seem counter-intuitive if you have a big goal in mind. So why start "low" with your goals?

Setting ambitious goals can feel good, but trying to reach those goals can feel overwhelming...especially if it requires a big time commitment. Setting small, well-defined, and easily attainable goals to start can get you on the right track working toward your goal by building confidence in your ability to achieve the goal and getting you into the habit of taking steps toward that goal. Don't start lower than where you already are, but if you're feeling overwhelmed by all that's in front of you, try adding just a little at a time.

Psychology Tip of the Day: Setting Goals Can Be a Balancing Act

Looking to make a change? Take a lesson from the playground. Setting goals effectively can be a bit like a seesaw or a swing; you don't want to start at the top. Whether you have a large ambitious goal (like running a marathon) or a less defined desire to change something (like a desire to be healthier), you may benefit by starting low and ending high. Stay tuned to find out why.

Book Review: "What to Do" Guides for Kids: What to Do When...

...your temper flares...your brain gets stuck...you dread your bed...you grumble too much...you worry too much...bad habits take hold.

"The What to Do" Guides are a series of books by psychologist Dr. Dawn Huebner for helping children deal with a variety of problems ranging from every day difficulties, like how to respond to anger, to diagnosable problems, like OCD.

Did you know that your body is like a car that you need to learn how to steer, worries are like tomatoes that grow when they're fed, and disappointments are like hurdles to be jumped? By the time you're done with these books, you will! Using these and other similarly accessible analogies, Dr. Huebner brings the concepts of cognitive behavioral therapy to life, making them easy to understand and fun to practice.

The first few chapters of each book explain the problem to be addressed and set the stage for starting to make changes. You'll notice that they do not force your child to take ownership of having a problem (which can be really threatening to kids--and many adults), but explain the problem in general terms and then ask the child to consider whether they (or other people they know) ever experience these problems. The explanations make it easy for most children to accept their difficulties and give them hope that they can improve. The following chapters teach new skills, usually one per chapter, and provide exercises to practice each skill.

If you do the exercises and practice them regularly, you'll notice a difference. Resist the temptation to read through the whole book at once with your child. Remember, lasting changes take time and practice. When I use these books in my practice, I start by either reading the first few chapters in session or having parents read them with their kids at home. After that, we work on about one new skill per week. If a family is struggling with a skill, we may stay on it for a few weeks until the new skill takes hold. In between learning new skills, children and parents are instructed to spend the week practicing each skill at home. (Be prepared, parents play a major role here.) If problems come up with practice, we discuss those in session.

These books are written for children between the ages of six and twelve to be read with their parents or another adult. The concepts may seem simple, but they're supported by tons of research demonstrating that they work. Cognitive behavioral therapy is one of the most researched types of therapy, and one of the most effective for many areas of difficulty. I highly recommend these books to both parents and other professionals who work with children.

Mental Health vs. Mental Illness

Mental Health vs. Mental Illness

I've never met a single person who could not benefit from the knowledge of a psychologist at some point. Does that mean I think everyone is mentally ill? Not even close. Does it mean I think everyone needs to see a psychologist? Not necessarily. (It also doesn't mean I analyze everyone I meet!) What it does mean is this: psychology applies to everyone, and the distinction between mental health and mental illness is not always clear-cut.

While we've all grown to accept varying degrees of physical health, people often think of mental health as an either-or situation; either you're mentally healthy, or you're mentally ill (and if you're seeking help, you're "crazy"). Not so! Mental health, like physical health, exists on a continuum. Psychological knowledge can help with all points on the continuum, from prevention to treatment and relapse prevention.

Some physical and mental health concerns are relatively minor and may clear on their own; some are more serious, but generally respond to treatment; and some  are chronic and need ongoing care. Some need medication to be treated, while some can be treated without medication. Some can be treated with either medication or lifestyle changes, and some respond best to a combination of medication and lifestyle changes.

Biology and genetics play a role in the development of both mental and physical difficulties, but so does your environment. You don't have to be "sick" to get help or learn to take care of yourself mentally or physically. As they say, sometimes an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure! Even with minor problems, learning effective ways to deal with them now can help reduce the chances of them becoming problems again in the future or developing into something more severe. That goes for children as well as adults.

There's a lot of information (and misinformation) out there to help people learn to manage their mental and physical health on there own. There are many great resources (some of which I will periodically review on this blog) for learning new skills to increase your mental health at home. These resources have many advantages: they're cost-effective, they're even more private than therapy, and they can be done at your convenience. I highly recommend them, but sometimes they're not enough.

One distinction that still remains between mental and physical health is the stigma. Once upon a time, people only went to doctors when they were sick. Once upon a time cancer was something people were ashamed of. We understand our bodies better now. We can accept that it's not always possible to stay healthy, no matter how hard we try, and that it's nothing to be ashamed of. Why not give our mental and emotional health the same consideration when the mental and physical are so closely connected?

At some point, we all experience mental and physical health challenges. They  may be relatively minor. They may clear on their own. Or they may be more serious. But seeking help for them does not mean you've given in to being sick; it means you want to figure out how to be the healthiest you you can be! Why struggle when there's help available?

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Psychology Tip of the Day: Help Kids Relax their Muscles

Just as tensing muscles first helps adults learn to relax (see yesterday's post), it also helps kids learn to relax more than they would by just thinking relaxing thoughts. To keep the exercise interesting enough to keep kids engaged, a little creativity is needed. You don't want your kid acting out more to avoid a boring activity! In my practice, I provide parents with a script to use every night with their kids. They tense their muscles by doing fun exercises like pretending to squeeze lemonade from lemons, stretching like cats, and chewing jawbreakers. Another blogger has written about a creative spin on a similar script: relaxation flip-books for kids. She provides images and instructions for turning the script into portable flip-books so you can not only teach your child muscle relaxation, but also have a fun reminder on the go!

For information on child counseling, click here.

Psychology Tip of the Day: Learn to Identify Tension

Because many of us are so used to carrying around tension, it can be difficult to recognize when our muscles are tense. Even when we scan our bodies for tension, we may overlook it because it feels "normal." In order to increase your awareness of tension, you have to learn to recognize it. Try intentionally tensing a muscle for 5-7 seconds and then quickly releasing the tension while paying close attention to the sensations of tension and then relaxation. Relax each muscle for about 30 seconds. (This is best done lying down so you  don't have to rely on your muscles to support your posture). By doing this with each of our muscle groups, we can learn to more easily identify and release unnecessary tension throughout the day.

Not sure how to tense a certain muscle group? Check out this chart.

For information on anxiety treatment, click here.

Psychology Tip of the Day: Positive Thinking for Children

Tracking positive events is a great exercise for children, too. This can be especially helpful if your child tends to complain or focus on the negative. Sit down at the end of the day and make a game out of seeing how many positive events you can list for the day. This can help them learn that even when things aren't perfect, they're rarely all bad.

For information on child counseling, click here.

Psychology Tip of the Day: Track Positive Events

Keeping track of positive events is a great way to improve your mood. Each day,  make a list of every positive event that occurred that day. Nothing is too small to count for this exercise. Did you enjoy the weather? That counts! Did you hear a song on the radio that you really liked? That counts! Did you find your keys that you thought were lost? That counts!

Some people also like to think of this as counting their blessings or keeping track of what they have to be grateful for. Whatever you want to call it, add up those positives, and watch your mood improve!

Check out this article for more insights on the power of gratitude.

Psychology Tip of the Day: Take a Break

In our go-go-go world, it can be hard to find time to relax. Worse yet, many people find themselves feeling guilty or anxious about taking time to unwind. If you feel like you need to be productive all the time, give yourself permission to take a break. Not only will you feel better, but research shows that taking small breaks (e.g., 5 minutes out of an hour) actually helps you to be more productive when you are working.

Psychology Tip of the Day: Be Present

Have you ever noticed that your mind is rarely where you are? We're usually either thinking about what we've already done, what we plan to do, or what we wish we'd done differently. This can detract from truly experiencing your life, and can result in negative emotions. Try taking some time each day to be present in the moment. During this time, try to really focus on what you are doing. Notice all of the sensations you are experiencing. Try not to judge your experience. When you find your mind wandering, gently bring it back to the present. Try not to get frustrated by your wandering mind. Just notice it and move on. The more you practice, the less you'll find your mind wandering, and the easier it will be to be present in any given moment.

This practice, also known as mindfulness, can help you to feel more centered and help to manage negative emotions such as distress about the past or anxiety about the future. Research also shows that even short periods of daily mindfulness practice may lead to positive changes in brain structure. Click here for more information about how mindfulness positively impacts your brain and mental health.

For information on anxiety treatment, click here.