Help for the Holidays

Help for the Holidays

The holiday season is in full swing. Signs of it greet us everywhere; decorations line the streets and fill the stores and Christmas music fills the air. While the holidays have a reputation for being a time of joy, for many people they are a source of increased stress or even depression. If you find yourself feeling less than joyous this holiday season and are wondering why, you’re not alone. Keep reading to better understand the sources of holiday stress and what you can do to improve your holiday experience. One of the biggest sources of stress is the increased demand on resources that we already feel are limited: our money and our time. ‘Tis the season for gifts and social gatherings. While these may be sources of happiness, they can also strain our resources. Finding the money in an already tight budget to buy gifts and participate in festivities, or the time in an already tight schedule to locate the perfect gift or attend parties, can feel like a burden.

Striking a balance between our work and home lives seems both more important and more difficult at this time of year. While social demands are increasing, work demands may stay the same or increase. Salaried employees may find they need to complete the same amount of work, or more, in a shorter amount of time because of work parties or days off. For hourly employees, taking time off to meet social demands means less income at a time of increased expenses. Those with children may need to arrange for childcare while they work and the children are out of school. These demands can feel overwhelming.

Another major source of negative emotions this season is the difference between our expectations and the reality of our experiences. Common expectations include giving and receiving gifts, spending time with friends and family, and enjoying ourselves. We expect things to be happy and perfect, and when they fall short of our expectations, we feel disappointed. This disappointment can be particularly strong for people who have lost a loved one in the last year, lack social support, have to work on holidays, or have recently lost significant portion of their income.

So what can you do to manage the inevitable stresses of this season with your sanity intact (and maybe even enjoy yourself)? Assessing your priorities and focusing on the true meaning of the season is a great place to start. A friend of mine does this by doing something special with her family each day of December. Possible activities may include baking, holiday decorating, playing games, watching holiday movies, and looking at neighborhood holiday displays. She also limits the number of gifts or amount of money spent on gifts. These strategies help shift her children’s focus toward quality time and away from materialism. To promote the spirit of giving, try volunteering at a shelter or soup kitchen, or donating or wrapping gifts for families in need.

Additional strategies:

• Give yourself permission to not be perfect.

• Take at least a few minutes a day to de-stress (e.g. taking a bath, exercising, or talking to a friend).

•  Make a list of things that need to be done and things that can wait.

• Write down the things you appreciate in your life. Review and add to the list daily.

• Set clear boundaries with others.

• Remember that kids pick up on their parents’ emotions.

• If you feel overwhelmed, consider seeking professional help.

Psychology Tip of the Day: Setting Goals Can Be a Balancing Act

Looking to make a change? Take a lesson from the playground. Setting goals effectively can be a bit like a seesaw or a swing; you don't want to start at the top. Whether you have a large ambitious goal (like running a marathon) or a less defined desire to change something (like a desire to be healthier), you may benefit by starting low and ending high. Stay tuned to find out why.

Mental Health vs. Mental Illness

Mental Health vs. Mental Illness

I've never met a single person who could not benefit from the knowledge of a psychologist at some point. Does that mean I think everyone is mentally ill? Not even close. Does it mean I think everyone needs to see a psychologist? Not necessarily. (It also doesn't mean I analyze everyone I meet!) What it does mean is this: psychology applies to everyone, and the distinction between mental health and mental illness is not always clear-cut.

While we've all grown to accept varying degrees of physical health, people often think of mental health as an either-or situation; either you're mentally healthy, or you're mentally ill (and if you're seeking help, you're "crazy"). Not so! Mental health, like physical health, exists on a continuum. Psychological knowledge can help with all points on the continuum, from prevention to treatment and relapse prevention.

Some physical and mental health concerns are relatively minor and may clear on their own; some are more serious, but generally respond to treatment; and some  are chronic and need ongoing care. Some need medication to be treated, while some can be treated without medication. Some can be treated with either medication or lifestyle changes, and some respond best to a combination of medication and lifestyle changes.

Biology and genetics play a role in the development of both mental and physical difficulties, but so does your environment. You don't have to be "sick" to get help or learn to take care of yourself mentally or physically. As they say, sometimes an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure! Even with minor problems, learning effective ways to deal with them now can help reduce the chances of them becoming problems again in the future or developing into something more severe. That goes for children as well as adults.

There's a lot of information (and misinformation) out there to help people learn to manage their mental and physical health on there own. There are many great resources (some of which I will periodically review on this blog) for learning new skills to increase your mental health at home. These resources have many advantages: they're cost-effective, they're even more private than therapy, and they can be done at your convenience. I highly recommend them, but sometimes they're not enough.

One distinction that still remains between mental and physical health is the stigma. Once upon a time, people only went to doctors when they were sick. Once upon a time cancer was something people were ashamed of. We understand our bodies better now. We can accept that it's not always possible to stay healthy, no matter how hard we try, and that it's nothing to be ashamed of. Why not give our mental and emotional health the same consideration when the mental and physical are so closely connected?

At some point, we all experience mental and physical health challenges. They  may be relatively minor. They may clear on their own. Or they may be more serious. But seeking help for them does not mean you've given in to being sick; it means you want to figure out how to be the healthiest you you can be! Why struggle when there's help available?

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Psychology Tip of the Day: Be Present

Have you ever noticed that your mind is rarely where you are? We're usually either thinking about what we've already done, what we plan to do, or what we wish we'd done differently. This can detract from truly experiencing your life, and can result in negative emotions. Try taking some time each day to be present in the moment. During this time, try to really focus on what you are doing. Notice all of the sensations you are experiencing. Try not to judge your experience. When you find your mind wandering, gently bring it back to the present. Try not to get frustrated by your wandering mind. Just notice it and move on. The more you practice, the less you'll find your mind wandering, and the easier it will be to be present in any given moment.

This practice, also known as mindfulness, can help you to feel more centered and help to manage negative emotions such as distress about the past or anxiety about the future. Research also shows that even short periods of daily mindfulness practice may lead to positive changes in brain structure. Click here for more information about how mindfulness positively impacts your brain and mental health.

For information on anxiety treatment, click here.

Psychology Tip of the Day: Let Go of Tension

Most people carry around more tension than they realize, which can lead to physical complaints such as headaches,  muscle aches, and difficulty sleeping. The neck, shoulders, and jaw are common areas of the body to hold tension. A few times a day, mentally scan your body for tension (paying particular attention to those areas that carry tension most often), and try to intentionally let go of any extra tension you're holding. Notice the difference in how you feel once the tension is released.

For more information on anxiety treatment, contact me.

Psychology Tip of the Day: Why do people see psychologists?

Seeing a psychologist doesn't mean you're "crazy" or mentally ill; it means that there are areas of your life you'd like to improve, and that you want professional advice from someone with specialized training about how to improve them.

For information on the areas I help people with, click here.